The Official Info-Sheet to my OCD Rituals
Introduction
I wanted to centralize information about my odd behaviour. I'm undiagnosed, but I'm claiming it, because this isn't normal enough to NOT be a mental illness LOL. Also, it is a detriment in my life overall, so it is only fair I receive compensation for it RUINING my life.
It's been pretty difficult to do most things in my life that requires Action and has Severity. If I have to disturb the state of an object, it will take at least 3x as long as the average person. Rarely do I share in the luxury of simply existing in my day-to-day activities.
The only two exceptions I am aware of is that I simply forget or I forego responsibility to another person.
0. Action and Severity
The problem with Actions is that it is difficult to believe they are Executed, so I must try again. The total number of times I Perform an Action depends on my physical, mental, and emotional state. For example, ocassionally, my body feels like it is being stabbed by hundreds of needles all over my torso (usually the back) (neuropathic pain?), which usually causes me to Perform an Action less times in order to move on and alleviate the sensation on my body. Sometimes, my brain cannot focus at all and I feel trapped in a sort of limbo, mouthing to myself the exact movements and thoughts necessary for me to complete the Action but simply being unable to do so; as a result, I Perform and Perform significantly more than necessary before I can proceed. Furthermore, Urgency is an external factor. It asks, "How fast do I need to finish this Action?" with respect to another person's interest. Low urgency increases or maintains the number of times I Perform an Action and vice versa.
Not all Actions are deserving of proper Execution. Take my tsinelas, for example. When I take them off, I usually just toss them off and leave them be. I don't feel any urge to properly set them on a normal ocassion; after all, who does it even impact? What Severity does it hold if I don't Execute the Action properly? No one and nothing. Thus, Actions with (considerable) Severity (AwS) are my focus -- the Actions that literally hinder my life.
The things I consider Severe have to do with the potential for damage, waste ("sayang"), and general fear. Here is an example list:
- Forgetting to turn off the faucet ==> water bills and water damage
- Forgetting to close/lock the door/window ==> bugs, home invasion
- Forgetting to turn off the stove ==> house fire
- Forgetting to turn off/unplug electronics ==> electric bills, "waste of energy/electricity"
Although the prospect of "forgetting" (the potential that something bad may occur) is the foundation of my rituals, it is not required that the aforementioned activities be in the complementary state for me to Perform on them: the faucet is already off, the doors and windows are already closed and locked, the stove is already off, the plugs are already disconnected, etc. It is my personal belief that these items *may* not be in the desired state that I must Perform on them. Thus, ocassionally, I just stand before these potential AwS and Perform on them as if they were AwS.